"Theres no better medicine than laughter" was another of these silly sayings that my old grandfather said,yet again proving the old git had finally lost the plot.But when you think about it,he's quite correct.Heres another selection of Jokes,hopefully you havent heard many of them,and if you have,try and manage a grin at the repeats! Jocky. 100% Independant.... ---------------- What have fat girls and mopeds got in common? They are both brilliant to ride until your mates find out! ---------------- What do you call 3 lesbians in a bed together? A menois-a-twat! ---------------- A bloke runs into a pub one night and shouts "Wankers down that end of the pub,and cunts down the other end" and then runs out before anyone can catch him.This happens for three nights running, and the regulars are starting to get upset so the landlord decides to be ready for the next time he appears.Sure enough,the next night the man runs into the pub and shouts out "Wankers down that end of the pub,and cunts down that end".This time,the six foot six,sevent- een stone landlord has the door covered and he approaches the man snarling "Hoy mate,im not a cunt".The man replies "Well get to the other end with the wankers then" And runs out!! ---------------- A guy starts his prison sentence and the guards take and instant dislike to him,so they put him in the same cell as Mctaver,a real feirce and fiery Scot.The man not only bats for both teams,but is one brick short of a full load.At over 18 stone in weight,and 7 foot in height,he installed blind terror on,without exeption,to all other inmates.His last two cellmates had to be carted away in an Ambulance,straight to the metal hospital for serious internal repairs. For the first two days with his new cellmate,Mctaver teased him with half smiles and knowing looks,and on the third day,he asked the question his cellmate had been dreading. "Lets play a game,do you want to play Doctors And Nurses,or Mummies and Daddies?" asked Mctaver. As persperation ran down the mans forehead,he decided it would be safer to play Mummies and Daddies,and he says so. "Well do you want to be mummy or daddy them?" Says Mctaver The man froze with fear,then decides it would be safer to opt for daddy,and says so. "Well get the fuck over here and suck Mammies cock then!!" Growled Mctaver!!! --------------- Whats the difference between Princess Diana and A child? One sometimes Chucks A Farley,the other.............!!! --------------- Whats an woman and a turd got in common? The Older they are,the easier they are to pick up! --------------- Did you hear about the Dyslexic who was invited to a Toga party? He went as a bloody goat! --------------- Whats the difference between Eddie Kidd and Liz Hurley? Eddies got a cunning stunt,Liz has a...........!! --------------- Did you hear about the flasher who was going to quit? He decided to stick it out another year! --------------- Whats the best thing about having Altheimers disease? You can hide your own Easter eggs! --------------- What did Bill Wyman and the tortoise have in common? They both got there before the Hare!! --------------- What did one queer rondent say to the other? Do you fancy going out and getting rat arsed tonight?"! --------------- Whats the difference between a Scouser and Batman? Batman can go out without Robin! --------------- A drunken tramp walks into a bar and says to the barman "If I Can sing a song out of my arsehole,will you give me free drink the rest of the night?" "Dont be silly,you old goat,nobody can sing out of there backside!" said the barman. "Well I can" said the tramp "I worked for then years with a large travelling circus,and my singing arse was the star attraction!" The barman thinks to himself that if the old boy is as good as he makes out,it would certainly attract the customers.So he decides to let him have a go. The drunk climb onto the stage,and pulls down his trowsers and pants,and a massive audience starts to grow.The tramp then squats down,and suddenly...........A big steaming brown turd comes flying out of the tramps dirty,hairy anal hole.All of the customers run out of the bar in disgust,and the barman grabs the tramp by the throat. "You told me you could sing out of your arse,what the fuck are you playing at!!!" Said the barman. "Jesus",said the tramp."I was just clearing my throat!!!!!!!" ---------------- Did you hear about the poofter football player? His manager pulled him off at half time!! ---------------- Thats All Folks.......